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My parents’ love for me knows no limits, and their love for each other is truly the stuff Lifetime holiday movies are made of. And at the very least, you can tell him about your plan to sneak Simmenthal back into the US.” She had a point.Their soul-mating began with an unexpected meeting at a bus depot, was almost crushed by a plot twist you never saw coming, and journeyed across the Atlantic Ocean to Italia and back again, before finally reaching its happy ending in Boston. After a month-long sabbatical, I took my mom’s advice and got back into the online dating scene.I finished the meat, flashed a demented, Cheshire Cat grin, and threw up some spirit fingers for good measure.I almost said, “ta-dah”, but thought better of it and bit my tongue.At 34, he finally resided on his own but still hadn’t gotten around to buying furniture, as he prefers to eat dinner at his mother’s. Pretend you do and just order takeaway,” says my Italian buddy. Every girl in Capri was groomed to an extent that I have previously only witnessed in Russia – think full makeup, off-the-runway Dolce, and torture-via-stilettos-on-cobblestones.

Of course, I forgot my umbrella and got caught in an afternoon spring shower, thus causing my hair to transform from glossy and bouncy to frizzy and sad. And this drink here,” he motioned to a listing on the menu, “says it has amaro in it.

Little did I know that my boredom was about to be punched in the face by a plot twist. While I imagined an animated Disney scene where cute, anthropomorphized woodland animals sang to a young Antonio about the importance of rationing, we ate in silence. I thought I saw some tumbleweed blow by, but it was just the cute waiter. Well I double-dog-dare you to eat the rest of this meat without spitting out a single bite.” “Done!

Our entrees were served, and things were about to get very interesting. Well, to be clear: I ate, while Antonio practiced some odd form of hamster bulimia. ” I stabbed his remaining rib-eye with my fork and brought it to my plate without hesitation.

Let’s call the waiter, we need to send that back.” He looked at me like I was overreacting. ” “No, Danielle, I mean veiny,” he said through clenched teeth, “I just couldn’t swallow those pieces. I made slow work of salting, cutting and chewing the meat.

I put on quite a show; smiling, savoring, licking my lips.

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